The vibrancy of accomplishment, though, remains an oracle—full of promises of sensibility, confidence, discernment and rational thought. Being caressed by this sentiment deflates any of the ridiculous externalizations I have created in the past.

It can be easy to jump to assignment of self-inflicted senses of inadequacy or shame when these stimuli present themselves and I react with mild curiousity and attraction. I pause—for more than just a moment—and wonder how I am to react, in an effort to dismantle my assembling of a negative sense of self.

Through this reflection it appears that in my shame exists a fresh acknowledgement of my history of behaviors where I disregarded any consequence—truly and blatantly discounting the impact my choice had on the well-being of myself and others. This monstrosity which I so willingly welcomed was an abandoning of my intended nature.

Thus it is my conclusion that I grieve the loss of character, trust and respect when I was the person of whom I am ashamed and embarrassed to have been. It may not be those alluring ideas that subtly present themselves to me to which I assign shame, but the experince of disembodiment that occurs itself.

This event is a transition in state that seems to be automatic because I appear to have no control over its occurrence. The absence of control is a catalyst to the precursor of the grief of the losses I described earlier. My point of frustration is attempting to explain my apparent handicap of being enraptured by the lusts to which I once so easily succumbed.

Being a fan of science I may dismiss this invasion of rational thought as the natural reparations of brain chemistry—an erasing of the believed immunity I once had towards the consequences of my behaviors along with half of a lifetime of participation. Although I despise blind inclusion of my experience into accepted common theory or categorization the fact remains that there are—and always will be—entities and or events over which we have little or no control, one of those being our subconscious.

Ian D. Campbell

Boulder reminds me so much of Berkley, with its “be green” attitude, ultra pedestrian friendly streets, downtown muses and rich varieties in colors. (I will be including photos of downtown Boulder in the next week or so).

One of the reasons for my visit was to photograph my 3rd wedding. (Well, not my third wedding, but the third wedding photo shoot I’ve done). I was very nervous as I knew many of the shots I would be taking were indoors and flash photography is definitely not my forte. To prepare, I decided to experiment with the flash both indoors and outdoors (at night).

This series, entitled Sheila’s Kitchen is just that with several shots using a flash. I feel they turned out quite well considering. I hope you enjoy.

Ian D. Campbell

P.S., Feel free to leave a comment on this or any other blog entry. Alexfalls.com is nearly starving from lack of Internet user commentary.

In 2002, I lost my contracting job with Rockwell Automation, which in the end turned out to be OK as the events following precipitated my relocation to the Twin Cities. (A much better place for me than Milwaukee).

Following my being let go, I decided to use my very first credit card ever and book a trip to Florida to visit my grandparents. At 22, the idea of a credit card being money that you owe the bank was the last thing on my mind which gave me the liberties of spending any amount I so chose on this trip. (Now of course, at the ripe age of 30, I figured out that I still have to pay that debt).

It was a worthwhile trip full of beach relaxation and exploration with just myself and the rental car. It was in a small fisherman village of Tarpon Springs (not too far away from Tampa) where I found the most excitement with its beautiful wharf, buildings, shops and sceneries. Predominately Greek in culture the amenities reflected this and I was reaping the benefits of their food and drink. I tried cheese saganaki for the first time and for those of you who are cheese lovers it is a “must try” item, not to mention the method of serving which includes lighting the dish on fire followed by a loud chanting by the servers. (You feel as if it were your birthday and all it is is a piece of cheese. Fantastically delicious fried cheese).

This photo gallery includes shots I took of the lovely fisherman’s village. I recommend anyone stop by for a visit if you are in the general Tampa area.

I hope you enjoy the photos. (Suddenly I am hungry for cheese saganaki, although I am a bit fearful to even attempt to prepare this dangerous dish in my apartment after the last time I almost burned the building down. That of course, is another story).

Happy web surfing.

Ian D. Campbell

Disdain settles in for the kill, pouncing for its valiant cease and desist effort, ending this recent meditation. Allow me to clarify in that the recent and significant introspection of which I speak has been most enlightening—and well needed—so this desire for change is not an attempt to refute lessons learned. It seems close to our body’s need to unwind after say, a marathon or other strenuous activity. (Keep it clean folks, I will save essays on human sexuality for a later time).

So to pass through what feels like a limbo between digesting philosophy and benign relaxation, is there a compromising transitional process which includes properties of both states?

Maybe I require a plan of action—to propose to myself specific mindless activities and then select one in which to engage. Even this idea makes me want to regurgitate slightly—just wanting to make it feel simpler and freeze all recent and present thoughts into close to nothingness—like entering a cryogenic chamber. This would be, I would imagine (sense I’ve never been a “peoplesicle”), just like sleeping, which I said is what I wished to avoid in the first place.

 It is time to be enticed by sedentary acts—with low motor skills being required—watching television, such as an insanely dull and void of content, yet comedic program or even humming while driving. Is this latter endeavor concerning to anyone—that operating a two ton weapon is a mundane task where our minds and eyes easily wander off the road to other imagery?!

I have decided my selection, for now, will be just that. My motivation, is thankfully by circumstance. To win the war against the meter-maid (or man? person? public ordinance collection technician?) who conspires against drivers by making meters defective, one of which robbed me of forty-five minutes and seventy-five cents—which would have been sufficient just for one more refill of coffee.

Ian D. Campbell

And what about normality? As I rebel against American standardization in lifestyle and embrace hedonism I quickly dismiss the implications to self-sanity my behaviors have. I grow weary and psychologically exhausted from the polarization in thought process and this is a ridiculous and powerful lack of self-control.

Self-admonishment and habitual deliveries of senses of failure are prominent. What epiphany will or can there be where I will, through magic, change to something I aspire to be?

What it comes down to, what must be and is the final conclusion is that I am in control and responsible for my actions. This is readily apparent through careful observance of this truth in any social media. Even with “en vogue” spiritual and psychological remedies ever so present in America it cannot be those therapies in and of themselves that cure ailments of affliction. For it is impossible for us to act involuntarily unless under extreme duress caused by an external entity and even then, as controversial as the idea might be, we still execute a decision, which is an organic component of our very existence of our humanity.

A powerul actualization, counter to what many might believe to be true, but the similar flavors in exhibited action, or even lack thereof is evidence enough of this power. Popular is the externalization or deflection of this control, and for many reasons I believe, all of which dismantles any relevance to identifying the “correct” or “perfect” methodology. It is the subscription to indoctrination which can, and often is, directly counter-productive to the very effort of control itself. I would be entirely hypocritical if I were even to state that abandoning such dependencies is the proper way to handle affliction in mental sanity–acting identical to the very programs I would be criticizing.

Ian D. Campbell

It has been close to two weeks since I’ve added new content to alexfalls.com and this morning I included 4 new poems located on my writings page. Surprisingly I have felt more creative as of recent and these poems I wrote within the past few weeks.

One of these works, entitled Continental, has a special significance. It is about my maternal grandmother, who recently crossed over. She and I had a very special relationship and although I feel a poem does not entirely do our relationship justice it is a sentimental expression of which I am quite proud. A death of a loved one, especially a family member proposes an opportunity to grieve in whichever method or media we so chose. I recently read that grieving, while a somber experience, is really an expression of love and is a very natural psychological and emotional phenomenon. Never had I thought it a tool of love but this makes sense to me upon reflection. Gram’s love and spirit is still alive within me and my family and I certainly miss her physical presence but am content with her final wish to depart this Earth and reach the spiritual enlightenment in which she passionately believed.

I hope you enjoy the new writings. I will leave this entry with a few nostalgic photos of my grandmother. May all of you find peace with any of your losses, whether past, present or future.

Ian D. Campbell

I took the shots in the uptown set during a time when I was an active born again Christian, attending a fairly controversial and modern evangelical church which attracted many young people. The photos seen here are of my friends at the time, the majority I took at Lake Calhoun, in Minneapolis.

I do not profess to be a professional wedding photographer by any means, but I have shot two weddings as favors to friends or friends of friends. John and Kel gave me their permission to share some of their wedding photos, which I took two or three summers ago. I am grateful they allowed me to post these as I must say I am quite proud of them.

I hope you enjoy my new galleries.

Ian D. Campbell

P.S., I am not for hire as a wedding photographer, however if you are in need of a pro bono photographer for your wedding or commemorative event, shoot me a line as we’ll talk about it.

The photo galleries I added are entitled ‘Man’s Best Friends’ and ‘Coffee Break’. ‘Man’s Best Friends’ contains a few images of our dogs here at home, ‘relaxing’ in their kennel. I took the photos in ‘Coffee Break’ back in high school and they are of several friends with whom I used to hang out in junior year. (The quality of the images are not as high as the photos directly digitized from film as I created them from scans of prints that naturally degraded over the years).

After adding the three poems on my writings page today, I realized I hadn’t added new content here in quite awhile. You see, nearly 90% of my written work I wrote down in what remains torn notebook or notepad pages over the past 13 years which I’ve recently just organized. In order to share this work on alexfalls.com I browse through nearly 100 notebook pages, select the poem or poems I care to share and then go through the task of overcoming illegibility and typing the selected work(s) into document format, then adding the content to the respective html page. Note that I upload the newest poems  at the top of the page and for today there are three poems I added, all without a title.

To give you an idea of the original format of most of my work, I created a scan from a piece of paper which contains one of the poems I uploaded today.

I hope you enjoy the new content and please feel free to drop me a line either in this blog entry’s comments or on my contact page.

Ian D. Campbell

I’m not quite sure how I will be designing and implementing the paypal and podcasting services but am excited to entice you with their developments.

Stay tuned for more information to be unveiled this week.

Ian D. Campbell